depressed

De - pressed -adjective 1. sad and gloomy; dejected; downcast.

I feel its a total cheek for me to even think i'm depressed, but I can't help but think this way. I am feeling really low. Nothing in my life is going as i'd like. Its the truth, I want everything in my life to change. I dont have energy for any of it.

I should probably accept help offered by my doctor, but
1. I dont want to believe I need help
2. I feel others need it more than me
3. I dont really see what talking or medication can do for me, apart from making it worse.

I think I need a bit of sunlight. I might actually go for a sunbed - it has bright lights that make you feel better. Plus it might help my skin (the acne), which is upsetting me. I know sunbeds are dangerous, but i'm not going to use them excessively. I can't afford to!

There are times I just want to talk, talk talk and then others I want to be quiet and still. I never get what I want though. When I want to talk, no-one wants to talk. When I want to be quiet, everyone talks! It must be me! Whats wrong with me?