Serenity rejoins me

Yesterday was a great day. I feel like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

Why? Because my bf and I shared our fears and feelings about the present and the future.

When we talk. Properly talk, we really make a difference. I'm impressed by his maturity at times. For someone who has never lived outside his parental home, has never been apart from his mum for more than a week probably, he understands alot.

Moving in together will be great for us both but at the same time difficult. It will be difficult because its a huge change to what we already have and getting used to a new routine. Difficult because he will have to fend not only for himself but for me too, as opposed to having his mum do everything. It will be great because we will both have freedom; as individuals and as a couple. We will have privacy and comfort, which we have missed for a long time. We will never take for granted a roof over our head from now on.

So anyway, yesterday we tried something different. We went to the arches to see Alien Wars. It was quite fun, but very very short and so not worth the money. Afterwards we saw the 3D film (my first ever!!) My Bloody Valentine. It gave me a headache! But was much fun. We decided to watch another movie since we were up there already. The only one that fit in with time was Slumdog millionaire. Neither Paul or me were that bothered by it. We both, however, LOVED the film. I would recommend going to see it. Please go see it. Its a great film; great story and great acting.

Today I had work. Boring. Hoping for a new job soon. Have an interview on wednesday. I will try my very best in it. Not sure if i actually want it, but I will still give my best. I know one thing, when the bank makes a loss of over 8 billion pounds, things are going to get much tougher for us staff. Our bonuses and incentives will be taken away i'm sure.

So thats all for today. Lets hope my blogs are a bit cheerier from now on. I'm sick of the depression.

Tomorrow: I start to pack.

Lunch with J

Today I met with Jac. We're so alike. We go through similar experiences and share similar thoughts.

Jac is my closest friend and has been in my life the longest. She'll be there forever. We've gone through alot together and I want to share everything with her. I want to see her married and having a family. What a great nurturing mother she will be. God how whe change when we grow up. Haha 10 years ago we'd never be talking marraige and children. We hardly even talked about boys then!!

It seems my day gets spoiled always. Maybe i let it get spoiled. Maybe i torture myself.

I come home and my laminate floor now not only covered in dog hair, but covered in biscuit crumbs and shredded gloves. Wowee!! As soon as i step into the living room my dog proceeds to jump up on me, leaving my brand new jacket with paw prints from biscuit crumbs. TO make matters worse, V asks "What happened to the floor?"

HUH? You are sitting here! Shouldn't you be able to tell ME that? And WHY are you just sitting in this filth? WHY have you not brushed the floor? (these are my thoughts btw, not what i actually said. What i actually said could probably only be heard by dogs, because i screamed so loud in anger and frustration)


Anyway, I think i'm going to start with my packing next week. I move into my new home 2 weeks today. Jac made me realise that there is alot more work to do that I imagined. I've never moved home before. My whole 26.9 years of existence have been under one roof.

So I think i'm going to start firstly by shoving all my clothes in laundry bags, ready to take to laundrette (dont want my new house to be doggy at all). Then I'll round up the bedding/cushions that i'm taking. I dont have many "things". So I dont imagine it will take too long. But better to be prepared earlier to make moving day easier.

this should be

the happiest time of my life, but i want to cry 24/7

My bf and I are moving into our new home in 2 weeks. I should be relieved but i'm stressed out my box. I think my mind is working overtime, thinking things that are not even there.

Ive had a really crap couple of months. I've gone from doing everything with him to doing just about nothing. We go to the cinema. Thats it. So basically we are quiet. I get frustrated all the time. Its not fair on him. I feel i'm adding loads of stress to our relationship. I contemplate that he would be better off without me. I wonder why he is even with me when all i do is moan and complain.

We used to spend all our time together, go to bed at same time, even if it was in different beds, talk during the day, text (nice happy texts) throughout day, look forward to seeing each other when work was finished, eat dinner together, workout, play games or watch films, talk, kiss, make love, cuddle, fall asleep. We'd go drives to random places and spend hours chatting. Now, we drive to the cinema, watch a film, drive home. We talk in the car, obviously, but its nothing in comparison. I just feel its taken such a HUGE step back. Maybe we had too much too soon? Maybe I am far too needy.


But I feel I need more. More of everything above. I need an affection injection.

I hope I read this blog in a few months time and think back to how silly it sounds. I hope moving in together will bring all the love and affection back. I know both our stress levels will be reduced, due to our current living conditions, so hopefully all the other barriers will fall.