Spent this morning with my dog. After this i went for a steam room. Very relaxing. Decided to try the sauna. Did so for about a minute. Dry heat is so horrible!
Anyway, i go get dressed and head to tesco for a few things for the house. Start by looking at valentine cards. At the corner of my eye i thought i seen someone i knew so i look face on. She didnt flinch so i assumed it wasnt her. But in my peripheral vision she lurked. So i bite the bullet and say her name. Phew. It was her. This is my boyfriends sister. Someone i care for alot. I had a bit of blurred vision thats only reason i was unsure. Anyway i felt most uncomfortable speaking with her which upsets me because i want to have a great relationship with her. She is my boyfriends absolute world. And because of that i want to be very close. Anyway it wasnt happening today. I stuttered and talked shit. She left and i kept looking for cards.
Finally i found one.
I walked a little and then realised i Couldnt walk anymore. Text my boy asked him to call. Whilst i was waiting i just looked blankly at the shelves. My breathing became difficult but not like an asthma attack. I felt like i was being choked. I had no air. I cried. In the middle of tesco. I tried to hide my face. Paul called and i told him. He reassursed me. His voice helped. But when he had to go i tried to walk to pay. I felt like my blood was being drained. I was going to faint. I stood still for longer. Eventally i got to the checkout. I kept my head down. Just wanted out. Some guy i used to work with had to start talking to me. All i wanted was to get out. Luckily i got served quickly and i left.
Home i went. Lit a couple of candles, ran a lavender bubble bath and lay in it a while.
I sent a text message to someone i fell out with but wish i hadnt because she will want to become best friends again and allthough i miss her friendship, i dont miss her interfering.
Right now i sit on my chair watching the news tell me that Rbs, where i currently work are paying off over 2000 staff. What a shame.
Im waiting for Paul to come home. Want a cuddle. I have fears that my feeling like this is too much. I fear if i dont stop this, he wont want to be with me. He is always there for me. I just dont want to add more stress to his life.
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