The Ex Files

Can you and should you be friends with an ex?

That's a question that was raised between me and my friend at dinner tonight.

My friend's thoughts are, if you weren't friends with your ex before you were a couple, you shouldn't be friends after you break up. She believes this because when you chat with your ex, all you are able to do is reminisce about the past. I can see her point. You're always going to remember things you did together and that will either hurt you or bring back feelings. This is fine if you're both single I guess.

I think the answer to my question differs depending on a few things.
1. The reason you broke up
2. Your current relationship status
3. Your commitments

My friend G has a child to his ex. I think its important that they remain friends. Its important they communicate for the child's sake.

I don't and can't understand how ex's can be friends when the break up was messy. If one person cheats on you, they have totally disrespected you. They are not what is called a friend, never mind a partner. I cannot understand how that friendship could work. This is the conversation me and my girl, J had tonight. Her bf and my bf's ex's both cheated on them. Both have been emotionally scarred and in some way or form, their ex's want to be friends. Why? Why do that to someone and expect to have any form of contact. If someone were to cheat on me, they'd be cut out of my life forever. No second chance. No relationship, friendship, reminiscing, nothing. You lose your right to anything after that. Some people are just so toxic, that they think they want to be your friend, but in reality they just want to torture you. Or maybe its that persons way of making them feel better for betraying you? By offering a "gesture of friendship"

Relationships rarely end well, but if it was an amicable break up, then it might be possible to over time become friends. I think the key point there is time. In my opinion, you break up, you break up. You don't meet up and you definitely don't booty call.

If you want to be friends with an ex and your ex has a new partner, I think there are ways of making this work. Don't overpower your ex. Give them the space they need. Let their relationship flourish. If you find that difficult, then you haven't moved on and you are torturing yourself.

So, that's that.