Is it normal?

I think i over analyse everything these days. I read way too much into innocent things and think the worst. Why? Jeezo. It annoys me. Looking into some form of meditation. Need something to relax my brain. I have started back at the gym and feeling good for it but need to do something extra.

Look out for my letters blog to follow in next few days xx

Back from

Gym. Took it easy. Had am upset tummy. I will gradually increase my fitness levels and endurance.

So now im good. Made a toastie, even tho i didnt want to eat anything. I didnt really have anything yesterday so needed to refuel.

Going to go in a bath. Can smell the scent of Paul from him spraying this morning. I miss him. I miss the way we were. This moving in together has proven very difficult on us both. We need to chill out and get back to us. I feel i should shut my mouth and just get on with it, but its not in my nature to just let go. I found it very difficult to bite my tongue last night when so much was on my mind. Its not healthy to bottle up feelings. I am hurting and have the fear of failure in me.

I need cheering up. What can i do?

Well lets see if the bath works.

I cant

Deal with arguments or riffs! My brother didnt speak to my mum for abt 10 years and it broke my heart. I begged him everytime i saw him to make up with her but if was too stubborn to do so. Eventually i managed to get him to speak with her and thankfully now they are on good terms. I love people too much and i really am not able to deal with conflict very well. I want things resolved immediately or i find it terribly difficult to handle. It effects me emotionally. I am very stubborn in nature but i will always be the first person to make a truce (with the exception to gail come to think of it. She is the only person in my whole life to have made up with me. And not me doing the hard work). I just cant live in bad feelings. My dad and brother have lost touch.. Not fell out, just kinda were too busy for each other. Both are stubborn as oxs, but i will get them to talk.

If only i could work the same magic with my boyfriend. Everything is all over the place. Him and his mum are on edge (after a huge fall out). His mum cant stand me. She needs someone to blame for the arguments and her son leaving and i am target number 1. although im not in direct fire line, i feel i am because im not involved in the family. That to me, is just as hard to take as actually fighting. Maybe more because in totally helpless. Anyway if i could, i would love to make my boyfriend and his mum be totally fine, and for there to be no tiptoe'ing around each other.

Ive been reading the slip that comes with my medication prescribed by the doctor. I think im going to take them. I cant have conversations and make myself clear. It frustates me. I have no clear train of thought. Well thats wrong, i know what i want to say but i cant articulate it properly. I feel im pushing paul away but cant tell for sure as he doesnt talk to me. Im unapproachable and a moan.

I wish sometimes i would close my eyes and open them and for everything to be peachy.
So thats all for now. I guess.